I am a housewife. I have two children: younger school and senior preschool age. I am worried about them, I am afraid of the death of one of them. This anxiety appeared almost immediately after the birth of the older child. After therapy, psychologists have decreased, but in connection with the latest events in the country and the world, he returned again.
Many years ago, my relative died when she was not even 10 years old. Apparently, since then I had this fear. It seems to me that he is not too adequate. Once I woke up with the feeling that one of my children died. It took time to realize that everything was in order.
In addition, I’m not a very good mother. I am always in my thoughts, I am distant from children. I am ashamed that I can give them almost nothing in financial or emotionally.
Alice, it seems, is now affected by several similar emotions that have different sources. You write about the anxiety characteristic of all parents of young children. Its task is to
remind parents of the child’s vulnerability (first feeling), of fear, possibly associated with the death of your relative at the age of 10 (the second feeling), about social anxiety associated with social uncertainty (third feeling).
These feelings are similar in tonality, although each has its own task. Sound at the same time, they believe, they load your attention and do not allow to move on. At the same time, a feeling of guilt (the fourth feeling) and shame (fifth feeling) in front of children is also very difficult feelings that may prevent you from being here and now.
So that this tangle no longer prevents you from being in the present and specific actions to make your life better, I propose to train attention to the presence of „here and now“
Moreover, you write that this tactics once helped you cope with the fear of the death of the child and reminded that everything is in order in your life.
To quickly weaken the influence of these emotions on your life, try to focus on the sensations that are currently present: sunlight, rain noise, lilac flowering. How your skin feels the warmth of the sun, how you hear rain drops through the window, how the smell of flowers is perceived, what is the texture of the upholstery of the chair, on which you like to sit?
Focusing on simple and understandable sensations that arise in your life will add a sense of balance, thanks to which anxious thoughts will become less affected by you. You can decide for yourself when to plunge into them in order to think about how best to take care of children, and when just move away, because you do not need them right now.
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